Fox (n): carnivore of genus vulpes; crafty person; scavenger; (vb) to confuse; -ed (adj): to be drunk.

Tuesday, 21 June 2011

Tempus fuckit.

KATE Middleton is our future queen and judged, pretty much entirely, on how shiny her hair is and how pretty her frocks. Not on her mind or her achievements, but that's probably just as well.

Prime Minister Dishface had a head start at the election, not because he was up against a fourth-term government during a recession, but because he was better looking than the other guy.

And while I know it's meaningless pap even the X Factor comes down, in the end, not to the talent of its contestants but to the female judges being "at war" over their frocks while their male colleagues dye their hair and wax their brows so they will be listened to.

As shallow as it is, that's the way the human brain is wired. So it's perhaps not surprising that even though they're both young and good-looking minor celebrities Lauren Pope and her boyfriend Kirk Norcross have had his'n'hers matching nosejobs in a painful and expensive effort to appear perfect.

But I've said it before and I'll say it again - it's our flaws that make us special. They're what mean we are individuals rather than an army of lookalike Barbie and Kens. I wear my wrinkles proudly, because I think of them as laughter lines and the battlescars of a life which isn't over yet. If I end my days looking like a happy prune I'll consider myself to have succeeded.

And if you ever doubt it, bear in mind the fact that Zsa Zsa Gabor, at 94, is the just-about-living proof that all the money and cosmetic surgery in the world won't keep time at bay.

No laughter lines, see? FAIL.