Monday 12 November 2018
Poppy prat Aaron Bastani...
... and why he knows little of which he speaks when it comes to the reasons we commemorate Armistice is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror, which you can read here.
Friday 18 May 2018
Making Meghan Markle a princess...
... is a process that would make most of us feel very unhappy indeed. Today's column for the Daily Mirror on why a fun, independent woman is being turned into someone who must obey the in-laws at all costs can be found here.
For once, I hope I'm wrong.
For once, I hope I'm wrong.
Wednesday 2 May 2018
Another general election in 2018...
... would make it the fifth year in a row we've had major votes on something. Wow! All that democracy! All that power! All that oh God not AGAIN.
But Theresa May has almost no choice in the matter. Her government is in very rocky waters and you can find out all about it in today's Daily Mirror column which is here.
If I were you, I'd book a long holiday in June or July.
But Theresa May has almost no choice in the matter. Her government is in very rocky waters and you can find out all about it in today's Daily Mirror column which is here.
If I were you, I'd book a long holiday in June or July.
Monday 30 April 2018
Amber Rudd's resignation letter...
... and why it might not be quite as it should have been is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read, as ever, here.
If you had some really bad news, told your boss, and realised you'd probably have to resign, what would YOU do with the following 9 hours?
If you had some really bad news, told your boss, and realised you'd probably have to resign, what would YOU do with the following 9 hours?
Wednesday 18 April 2018
Theresa May is not responsible for the Windrush scandal...
... if you're Theresa May, that is. If you're capable of logic and reason, on the other hand, she is.
The facts are laid out for you in today's Daily Mirror column which you can read here.
The facts are laid out for you in today's Daily Mirror column which you can read here.
Friday 13 April 2018
Jeremy Corbyn's statement on Syria...
... and why it's the biggest pile of garbage you'll ever be asked to digest is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which tries to set out the facts as clearly as no politician is.
You can read it here.
You can read it here.
Thursday 12 April 2018
The moral case for war in Syria...
... is inarguable. The practical one is almost impossible. But either way, do you want to stand and watch?
Read today's Daily Mirror column here.
Read today's Daily Mirror column here.
Monday 9 April 2018
Britain's nuclear test veterans...
... finally won the chance to have research into how their DNA was damaged, but scientists can no longer find enough of them to take part in the study.
A fine example of how kicking a sound legal claim into the long grass until all potential litigants are dead will reap rewards for those who ordered young men into harm's way. Read all about it here.
A fine example of how kicking a sound legal claim into the long grass until all potential litigants are dead will reap rewards for those who ordered young men into harm's way. Read all about it here.
The 31 signs that you are being an idiot on the internet...
... and, therefore, how to not be one - or avoid those who are - is the topic of today's evergreen column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.
I'm just going to bookmark it and add new examples as I go. Feel free to do the same!
I'm just going to bookmark it and add new examples as I go. Feel free to do the same!
Friday 6 April 2018
Sadiq Khan, the knife crime 'epidemic'...
... and why you're still not being told the whole truth about it is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror, which offends just about everyone I could think of and can be read here.
And I really mean it about the CVs.
And I really mean it about the CVs.
Friday 30 March 2018
The Easter story and the Easter bunny and Easter eggs...
... are all linked, in a way the Archbishop of Canterbury may not entirely approve of, to a tingle in your trousers.
Read and learn why chocolate, and eggs, and getting down to it are all A VERY GOOD IDEA in today's Daily Mirror column which you can read here.
Read and learn why chocolate, and eggs, and getting down to it are all A VERY GOOD IDEA in today's Daily Mirror column which you can read here.
Monday 26 March 2018
Purple Day and epilepsy...
... and why this is NOT just something odd that happens to other people is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.
Steady as you go, now.
Steady as you go, now.
Friday 23 March 2018
Ant McPartlin's possible replacements on Saturday Night Takeaway...
... and trust me when I tell you that some of these probably really ARE being considered by ITV, are the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.
I reckon it'll be a mix of those final three.
I reckon it'll be a mix of those final three.
Friday 9 March 2018
Donald Trump's summit with Kim Jong-un...
... and why it probably won't occur, but what would happen if it did, is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.
In short: manbabies.
In short: manbabies.
Wednesday 7 March 2018
The poisoning of Sergei Skripal...
Britain has an international reputation for tolerance. That's why so many Russian murders happen here.
Murders of Russians, murders of Brits, murders of spies and bankers and property tycoons. And now the life-threatening poisoning of former spy Sergei Skripal and his daughter Yulia. There have been so many mysterious deaths of those linked to Vladimir Putin or his enemies that the question is not who's behind it, but why it keeps happening. Read more...
Murders of Russians, murders of Brits, murders of spies and bankers and property tycoons. And now the life-threatening poisoning of former spy Sergei Skripal and his daughter Yulia. There have been so many mysterious deaths of those linked to Vladimir Putin or his enemies that the question is not who's behind it, but why it keeps happening. Read more...
Wednesday 28 February 2018
The Spice Girls performing at Harry and Meghan's wedding...
... and why there's more to this than meets the eye is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.
Spice Up One's Wife, etc.
Spice Up One's Wife, etc.
Friday 23 February 2018
It is easy to predict who will conduct the next USA school shooting. It will, in all likelihood, be a white, friendless male from a dysfunctional family, who has acquired weapons and let it be publicly known he plans to use them.
He will be a collector of perceived injustices, and inspired by previous shootings. He will have a mental disorder and a tendency to blame others. He will chase headlines and see notoriety as a vindication. And his name will be Donald Trump. Read on...
Wednesday 21 February 2018
The Terrible KFC Crisis of 2018...
... and why it's not the worst thing happening in your world today is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.
And as if I should have to point it out, you do not ring the police to report a lack of bargain buckets.
And as if I should have to point it out, you do not ring the police to report a lack of bargain buckets.
Monday 19 February 2018
Kate Middleton at the BAFTAs...
... and why her wearing a black ribbon was the best that she could do is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.
Honestly, I could weep.
Honestly, I could weep.
Friday 16 February 2018
If there's one bit of advanced age I am looking forward to, it is the ability to consider complex near-impossibilities with a breezy, rose-tinted and conveniently-forgetful certainty.
"Ah, well, there used to be unicorns running free when Morten Harket was alive," I'll tell my grandchildren, shortly before launching into CRY WOOOOLF, AHAAA-AAA and moving on to reminisce about ghetto blasters and the Betamax War.
So let us not be too harsh with granny and gramps when they harumph about the young today and 74% of them demand a return to conscription. Read on...
Wednesday 14 February 2018
Boris Johnson's shocking betrayal of Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe
It's fitting that Boris Johnson chose Valentine's Day to set out his dream of Brexit. His record of lies and unwilling apologies aside, there could be no better time for him to demonstrate just how much the blond bombshell loves himself.
He's not going to tell you during this dimly-lit seduction there's another woman. One whose hair is falling out, one separated from her child, one enduring torture as he treats you to a wink with a rose between his teeth. Read on...
Friday 9 February 2018
The Tory away day to work out what Brexit means...
It is perhaps no surprise that after more than 40 years of unresolved ruckus about the EU the Cabinet was unable to come to any conclusions about Brexit during the four hours of debate Theresa May had pencilled in this week for a decision. That's barely enough time for Boris to deliver a soliloquy.
So she's packed them on a bus and driven them to the Chilterns in the hope that, in a final push not unlike that which finally did for Elvis, her top team can reach an agreement on, well, anything. Read on...
Wednesday 31 January 2018
Theresa May's career is about to expire...
When the leader of a country is forced to deny reports that they are a tortoise, it is safe to assume they are no longer being taken seriously.
Yesterday Theresa May, Prime Minister of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, also had to deny she was a car, a bird, a quitter or that she still had literally no idea what Brexit meant. Read on...
Thursday 25 January 2018
Piers Morgan's interview with Donald Trump in Davos...
... and how it might go is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.
Sadly, it's probably not that far off.
Sadly, it's probably not that far off.
Wednesday 24 January 2018
The Presidents Club scandal...
If there's one truly surprising thing about the Presidents Club dinner, it's not that a few mega-rich middle-aged men behaved like Donald Trump on a bender in Vegas.
It's that despite the free-flowing booze, the charity auction for plastic surgery to "spice up your wife", and the chance to ply naive young women with booze while putting a hand up their skirt, so MANY men left early... Read on
Friday 19 January 2018
The Boris Bridge and how it would actually work...
So what Boris is ACTUALLY suggesting is grinding the White Cliffs into cement, filling the Channel Tunnel with concrete, using that as the foundation for a bridge twice as high as Nelson's Column with another 2 or 3 Nelson's Columns below the waves, and binning off a shipping industry worth £14bn in turnover and £2bn in tax revenues in return for a bridge that would, in all likelihood, make any country go bust.
Read on...
Read on...
Wednesday 17 January 2018
The Bayeux Tapestry is on loan to Britain...
... and perhaps its message might just be able to reverse Brexit. So what might these 7 other great works of European art be able to achieve? Read on...
Monday 15 January 2018
The real reasons for the collapse of Carillion...
Carillion failed after the Tories repeatedly ignored the warnings - and every step the Government took to pretend it wasn't happening can be found in today's column for the Daily Mirror, which you can read here.
Clowns, the lot of them.
Clowns, the lot of them.
Friday 12 January 2018
Theresa May's grand environmental plan...
... and why it's bats*** is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.
I only wish it was a joke.
I only wish it was a joke.
Wednesday 10 January 2018
David Davis and the Brexit negotiations...
Welcome to a bright and shiny New Year! New hope! New starts! New and interesting ways in which enemies of the people are treasonously derailing Brexit!
I wish I were talking about the Labour Party, but no. It appears the Tories are greeting 2018 by redoubling their electorally suicidal efforts to enforce Brexit by screwing it sideways. Read on...
Monday 8 January 2018
Theresa May's first cabinet reshuffle...
... and the inside story of just how bad it could be is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.
*sighs resignedly*
*sighs resignedly*
Friday 5 January 2018
Rapist John Worboys was released from prison...
... and it wasn't because of Keir Starmer, no matter how much you hate him or Labour or his work as Shadow Brexit Secretary.
The people who ARE to blame can be discovered by reading today's Daily Mirror column which you can find here.
The people who ARE to blame can be discovered by reading today's Daily Mirror column which you can find here.