... and where they hide their gin is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.
And if that's not enough to make you feel good, watch the most life-affirming telly clip you'll ever see when a teacher gets his stammering pupil to speak in Educating Yorkshire here.
Two bits of joy for the price of one. You lucky sods. Have a good weekend!
Friday, 25 October 2013
Wednesday, 23 October 2013
The murder of Rachael and Auden Slack...
... and why we all need to start taking domestic violence more seriously is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.
Take it seriously, and tell someone.
Take it seriously, and tell someone.
Tuesday, 22 October 2013
How to have a healthy headline.
HEALTH tourists. Dontcha just hate them?
Coming over here, watching our Royal weddings, and having their appendix out on the NHS for free before they go home.
Today we're warned that they could be costing us £2billion a year! Filthy, sick foreigners!
Never mind the fact we're told tourism is worth £115bn a year to Britain, supporting 2.6million jobs and providing almost nine per cent of our GDP. If you just look at the numbers you might think we can easily afford it and still make a healthy profit; but that's not the point.
Coming over here, watching our Royal weddings, and having their appendix out on the NHS for free before they go home.
Today we're warned that they could be costing us £2billion a year! Filthy, sick foreigners!
Never mind the fact we're told tourism is worth £115bn a year to Britain, supporting 2.6million jobs and providing almost nine per cent of our GDP. If you just look at the numbers you might think we can easily afford it and still make a healthy profit; but that's not the point.
The NPower boss...
... and what might have happened when he decided to do *that* YouTube video about price rises is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.
Wrap up warm.
Wrap up warm.
Friday, 18 October 2013
Thursday, 17 October 2013
Sally Bercow...
... and why she should do whatever the hell she likes, especially if it gets her on Loose Women, is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.
And with that, I'm off for a night on the pop. Ra!
And with that, I'm off for a night on the pop. Ra!
Wednesday, 16 October 2013
Let's not bother with the World Cup.
HOORAY! WE WON A FOOTBALL MATCH!
Well done us, because our team is pretty rubbish and on most days couldn’t win a kickabout in the park.
So let’s be glad of a victory even if it was only over Poland and shake our bootys with delight thatthe twinkle-toed Stevie G put us 2-0 up almost on the whistle.
Well done us, because our team is pretty rubbish and on most days couldn’t win a kickabout in the park.
So let’s be glad of a victory even if it was only over Poland and shake our bootys with delight thatthe twinkle-toed Stevie G put us 2-0 up almost on the whistle.
Monday, 14 October 2013
Madeleine McCann...
... and why there's only one thing which matters is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.
If you don't like logic, you'd better not read it.
If you don't like logic, you'd better not read it.
Friday, 11 October 2013
Malala Yousafzai...
... and why we ought to ignore her (just for a bit) is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.
*sulks in room*
*sulks in room*
Wednesday, 9 October 2013
The news is dead. Long live the news!
THE world would be a better place if newspapers were regulated out of existence.
Seriously; bring it on. Let's have exemplary damages for any supplier of news - papers national and local, struggling magazines, university rags - that's not signed up to it, so they can be financially pummelled out of publishing.
Let's have a regulator that meets with the approval of politicians and is verified by them too, via the medieval Privy Council consisting of current and former Cabinet ministers, even the ones who've been booted out of office by a pissed-off public, and the whole thing can be torn up if newspapers seriously upset two-thirds of the Houses of Parliament, which let's face it isn't difficult.
To top it all off, let's suggest charging people to complain when it used to be free, let's make this the only regulatory body in existence without a single industry representative on it, and then let's spend more than a year farting about with it so that the public think the whole thing's a stitch-up anyway.
Seriously; bring it on. Let's have exemplary damages for any supplier of news - papers national and local, struggling magazines, university rags - that's not signed up to it, so they can be financially pummelled out of publishing.
Let's have a regulator that meets with the approval of politicians and is verified by them too, via the medieval Privy Council consisting of current and former Cabinet ministers, even the ones who've been booted out of office by a pissed-off public, and the whole thing can be torn up if newspapers seriously upset two-thirds of the Houses of Parliament, which let's face it isn't difficult.
To top it all off, let's suggest charging people to complain when it used to be free, let's make this the only regulatory body in existence without a single industry representative on it, and then let's spend more than a year farting about with it so that the public think the whole thing's a stitch-up anyway.
Tuesday, 8 October 2013
The Pride of Britain Awards...
... and what they'd be like run by a newspaper that didn't like modern Britain much is the topic of today's Daily Mirror column which you can read here.
I'm just off to flaunt my curves. As soon as I figure out how.
I'm just off to flaunt my curves. As soon as I figure out how.
Monday, 7 October 2013
The cabinet reshuffle...
... and why the Wombles and Batman should be running the place are the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.
If you're a slug, don't bother.
If you're a slug, don't bother.
Friday, 4 October 2013
Thursday, 3 October 2013
Ever wondered about Boris Johnson...
... and what his planned foray into romantic fiction might be like? Wonder no more.
*washes brain in bleach*
*washes brain in bleach*
Wednesday, 2 October 2013
David Cameron's conference speech...
... and its English translation are the topic of today's Daily Mirror column which you can read here.
Blessed are the breadmakers, old bean.
Blessed are the breadmakers, old bean.
Tuesday, 1 October 2013
David Cameron, the price of bread...
... and how it compares to the price of a term at Eton is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.
Read it quick, cos there's another one later!
Read it quick, cos there's another one later!