Fox (n): carnivore of genus vulpes; crafty person; scavenger; (vb) to confuse; -ed (adj): to be drunk.

Wednesday, 11 October 2017

The Harvey Weinstein scandal...

... and why it's wrong to blame Hollywood, or his victims, women in general or actresses in particular, for crimes men condone, overlook and laugh off every day, is the topic of today's column in the Daily Mirror.

You can read it here.

Monday, 9 October 2017

Theresa May's problem with Boris...

... and why she's the most high-profile victim of modern slavery we've yet seen is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

If you don't feel sorry for her you must have a heart of stone.

Friday, 6 October 2017

Kellogg's tax scandal...

... and why it should be ashamed of putting so much effort into avoiding the tax the rest of us put a lot of effort into paying is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can be outraged about here.

I bloody love Frosties, too. Such a shame.

Wednesday, 4 October 2017

The Tory housing crisis...

... and why it's roughly the same as the Labour housing crisis, in that they both did it and neither knows what to do, is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Makes my blood boil.

Friday, 29 September 2017

CBeebies, Mr Bloody Tumble....

... and why all is manged up in the hallucinogenic, psychotic world of children's TV is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read, as ever, by clicking here.

*shudders at a long weekend of Woolly and Tig*

Wednesday, 27 September 2017

Why Jeremy Corbyn will be the next Prime Minister...

... and why there's absolutely nothing you can do about it is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Sorry, Theresa.

Friday, 22 September 2017

Uber's loss of license and the terrible taxi crisis of 2017...

... which may actually be better than you think, you soft poncy city type, is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Enjoy.

Wednesday, 20 September 2017

Star Trek does Brexit better...

... than this current shower of clowns, so let's enjoy the metaphors while we can. You can read today's 23rd century column for the Daily Mirror here.

Warp factor six, Mr Sulu.

Friday, 15 September 2017

Theresa May's power grab...

... and the horrific detail of what, exactly, she's doing to your democracy is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Have a nice weekend. I'm off to find a ploughshare to brandish.

Monday, 11 September 2017

The six year old boy in a skirt...

... and the madness of parents who think the Church of England is LESS confusing than that is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Madness with a capital MAD.

Friday, 8 September 2017

Hurricane Irma, climate change...

... and why even this is entirely natural it's still the fault of human stupidity is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

If you don't like it, then you're probably one of the stupids.

Wednesday, 6 September 2017

Unskilled EU immigration...

... and why we'd be daft to get rid of it is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Let's hope I don't have to explain myself to the Ribenaberry police.

Monday, 4 September 2017

Kate and Will's third royal baby...

... and why it is a really bad idea is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

And yes, it's all true.

Friday, 1 September 2017

The Brexit negotiations...

... and how they're going REALLY REALLY WELL HONEST is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read about here.

And no, it's not 'remoaning'. It's an analogy, and the first four letters of that are the most important.

Wednesday, 30 August 2017

The reason why teenagers are miserable...

... and why it is a bigger problem for us all than anyone realises is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Now I'm off to my room. For, like, EVAH.

Friday, 25 August 2017

UKIP, the latest immigration figures...

... and why it turns out Nigel has been wrong THIS WHOLE TIME is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

And if like me you've just heard the word 'snollygoster' for the first time, can I suggest we all use it more often.

Monday, 21 August 2017

Queen Camilla and Princess Diana...

... and why the head that wears the crown will never lie easy, or perhaps even be legally married, is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Why anyone still cares is beyond me, but it seems like thousands of you do.

Wednesday, 16 August 2017

Big Ben, Brexit...

... and why Britain really doesn't have to be *quite* so stupid is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you may pretend is about som one else here.

Enjoy.

Monday, 14 August 2017

Jacob Rees-Mogg and Donald Trump...

... and why they're worrying alike is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

And I'm going to hope public sanity reasserts itself.

Monday, 7 August 2017

Justin Gatlin and the ISIS bride...

... and why the penalties we demand for others says more about us than them is the topic of today's not-that-contrary really column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Can't be contrary when it's based on facts, can it?

Wednesday, 2 August 2017

Prince Philip's retirement...

... and why Brexit made it inevitable we no longer need someone to offend foreigners on our behalf is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

If only they'd put that on the ballot paper.

Wednesday, 26 July 2017

Legal aid, Charlie Gard...

... and why the Tories are charging us all an Innocence Tax is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

TIP: Don't vote Tory.

Monday, 24 July 2017

The Tories, the BBC pay gap...

... and why half the country is about to get even more aerated about who gets paid what is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

And yes, that scandal is more than likely about to include YOU TOO. It's not all Gary Lineker's fault.

Friday, 21 July 2017

Love Island and the Tory Party...

... and why they're more alike than anyone realised is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Muggy.

Wednesday, 19 July 2017

The BBC pay list...

... and the presenters who are paid too much and the others not paid enough is the topic of today's Daily Mirror column which you can read here.

Now I'm off to apply for a job at the BBC.

Monday, 17 July 2017

The 13th Doctor who...

... still doesn't have the power to save the Tory Party from itself is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

And if you don't get the joke, you're probably a Dalek.

Tuesday, 11 July 2017

The penalty for using a mobile phone while driving...

... and why it's usually death, jail and lifelong regret is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

If you don't think you're that much of an idiot, you ESPECIALLY need to read it.

Monday, 10 July 2017

Theresa May's need for bright ideas...

... and five pretty brilliant ones are the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

She'll never make it past October, I tell you.

Friday, 7 July 2017

Trump and Putin at the G20 summit...

... and what really happened in their first meeting is the topic of today's TOTALLY FAKE NEWS column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

And with that, I'm off for the weekend. Enjoy yours.

Wednesday, 5 July 2017

David Cameron and the public sector pay cap...

... along with what the word "selfish" means are the topics of today's Daily Mirror column which you can read, as ever, here.

He makes my bladder boil, that one.

Monday, 3 July 2017

Charlie Gard and Great Ormond Street Hospital...

... and the reasons why the Pope has more questions to answer than the doctors who've spent 10 months defying God is the topic of today's blasphemous column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Take your pitchforks to church, people.

Monday, 26 June 2017

Westminster's email hack...

... and just what Vladimir Putin might have found in their inboxes is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Sometimes satire just isn't enough.

Friday, 23 June 2017

The Brexit anniversary...

... and why you might as well enjoy it because Brexit is never going to happen is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which, as ever, you can read be enclicking here.

Don't like it? Blame the tories.

Wednesday, 21 June 2017

The Day of Rage in Westminster...

... and why it'll achieve the square root of bugger all except more work for some minimum wage street cleaners is the subject of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Get angry. It's so much better than rage.

Friday, 16 June 2017

The likelihood of riots over Grenfell Tower...

.. and the 7 things the Prime Minister could do NOW to avert it form the basis of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Let's hope it doesn't happen.

Wednesday, 14 June 2017

Grenfell Tower and its aluminium cladding...

... are the focus of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Politicians are particularly advised to do so.

Monday, 12 June 2017

The new Tory bloodsport is hunting Theresa May...

... and who's lining up to avenge themselves on her is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which, as ever, you can read by enclicketing here.

Enjoy the spectacle.

Friday, 9 June 2017

Theresa May's hung parliament...

... and why it's NOT all the fault of those pesky young voters is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

And seeing as I said Corbyn wouldn't be PM and the Tories wouldn't get a majority, I'm off down Coral in time for the 3.30. Laters.

Monday, 5 June 2017

Theresa May's record on terror...

... and why it's a good reason for her not to be Prime Minister any more is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read, and wonder why no other media is telling you this stuff, here.

You are WELCOME.

Wednesday, 31 May 2017

Covfefe and what it's done for Jeremy Corbyn...

... is the topic of today's column in the Daily Mirror which has striven hard not to be self-congratulatory, seeing as I've said for ages he's hopeless.

You can read it here.

Thursday, 18 May 2017

The 2017 Tory manifesto...

... and its similarities to Cruella De Vil on a rampage are the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Not even joking.

Wednesday, 17 May 2017

Pippa Middleton's expensive wedding...

... and why in the long run it makes bugger all difference to a marriage is the topic of today's bitter and cynical attack on the institution of marriage column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Good luck, kids!

Monday, 15 May 2017

The Tory pothole menace...

... and just how much damage it's doing is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Don't say you weren't warned.

Thursday, 11 May 2017

The leaked Labour Manifesto...

... and why it's very good and it's just a shame whoever wrote it isn't leader of the Labour Party is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

It's far too sensible for it to be Jeremy Corbyn.

Wednesday, 10 May 2017

Theresa May, her plans to bring back foxhunting...

... and why that is an incredibly stupid and daft thing to do from the point of view of foxes, chickens, farmers, dogs and 84% of voters in general is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Just because it'll never happen is no reason to let people get away with saying stupid stuff.

Monday, 8 May 2017

The Chibok schoolgirls kidnapped by Boko Haram...

... and why they were left to free themselves from their abductors is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

That's aside from the girls freed in order to make their president look good.

Friday, 5 May 2017

Local elections 201, the death of UKIP...

... and why this isn't it is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Pin your hopes on June 9.

Tuesday, 2 May 2017

Who to vote for in the 2017 general election...

... and why that person shouldn't be any of the prospective Prime Ministers is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Let's not all give in too early, yeah?

Friday, 28 April 2017

Strong and stable leadership...

... and why a real leader needs strength and stability to deliver on a vision of strong and stable leadership, as well as a thesaurus, is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

I know, it makes my head hurt too.

Monday, 24 April 2017

Marine Le Pen's run at the French presidency...

... and a quick reminder to the French why fascists are bad is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Alors and gorblimey.

Friday, 21 April 2017

National Tea Day...

... and why you ought to put the kettle on and have a brew is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Make me one while you're there.

Wednesday, 19 April 2017

The general election and why it might not be all bad...

... is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

And try to cheer up, okay?

Tuesday, 18 April 2017

The 2017 general election...

... and the 7 things we can definitely expect from it is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Help us, Tim Farron. You're our only hope.

Wednesday, 12 April 2017

Chemical weapons in Syria...

... and why the USA perhaps isn't in a position to criticise is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Boom. Oh dear.

Wednesday, 5 April 2017

The sarin gas attack in Syria...

... and why we're acting like gutless cowards rather than stand up to hateful behaviour whether its Bashar al-Assad or Ken Livingstone is the topic of today's fairly angry column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

As a special bonus, if you buy the paper today there's ANOTHER whole column in there for you!

Monday, 3 April 2017

Gibraltar and Brexit...

... and why it doesn't have to if it doesn't want to is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which can be found, as always, by clicking here.

Even the Spanish might like this one.

Friday, 31 March 2017

The Only Fools and Horses Brexitshambles...

... and why an extended metaphor is more fun than it ought to be is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can enjoy by clicking here.

Luvvly jubbly.

Wednesday, 29 March 2017

Theresa May's Article 50 letter...

... and what it REALLY means is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

A bientot!

Monday, 27 March 2017

Brexit and triggering Article 50...

... is the topic of today's admittedly-lacking-in-cheer column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

To lighten the horror I put in an enema joke. See if you can spot it.

Wednesday, 22 March 2017

Bullfighting barbarians...

... and why Spain and Spanish-speaking countries still call it 'cultural' when it's plainly not is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Olé.

Monday, 20 March 2017

The East African food crisis, foreign aid budget...

... and how we can reduce both to zero are the topics of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Make it worth their while.

Friday, 17 March 2017

George Osborne's new job as editor of the London Evening Standard...

... and what his job application letter might look like are the topic of today's column in the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Some days, this stuff writes itself.

Wednesday, 15 March 2017

Marine A, his manslaughter conviction...

... and why what happened to Sgt Alexander Blackman just made the world a slightly worse place is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Isn't it funny the way the law works.

Monday, 13 March 2017

Brexit, the House of Lords...

... and why a new human right to be really thick all means a small child will poop in your soup is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read, should you be so minded, here.

Enjoy the gifs.

Friday, 10 March 2017

Top Gear, Brexit, and the omnishambles budget...

... we've all just been subjected to about is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can do a screeching Theresa-style u-turn about and read here.

Personally I think Jeremy's hair looks better that way.

Wednesday, 8 March 2017

Tory Budget lies about new grammar schools...

... and what they're doing to the schools we've already got is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Do the maths.

Monday, 6 March 2017

Jeremy Corbyn's pension...

... and why he ought to do the decent thing with it is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

£36,000 is an awful lot of money, last time I looked.

Friday, 3 March 2017

The House of Lords, Brexit...

... and what exactly it's done for us is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Enjoy refreshing your memory about Lord Sewell.

Wednesday, 1 March 2017

Karen Matthews...

... and why she might be crowned 2017 Mum of the Year is the topic of today's inflammatory column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Not even going to say sorry.

Monday, 27 February 2017

The Oscars, that envelope...

... and why it could all be a lot more irritating is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

I'll leave that wardrobe malfunction with you.

Friday, 24 February 2017

Introducing the Tories' secret weapon...

WHEN Len McCluskey goes to bed tonight he should  look in the mirror.

There he will see a 66-year-old former clerk, a lifelong trade unionist, and someone who seems to be doing his damnedest to give the Conservative Party another decade in power.
 
For it is McCluskey – the firebrand, the Scouser, the man who spits fury at the very word 'Tory' – who is doing a better job to shore up Theresa May's raddled and confused government than any big bucks donor.
 
Top work, that man
It was McCluskey who stripped the Labour vote in Stoke to the point where a proven fantasist was a serious contender.
 
And it is McCluskey who is on course to steer the Labour Party to a crushing defeat in 2020 it may never recover from.
 
His efforts began in 2013, when his close friend Karie Murphy was at the centre of a ham-fisted attempt to win the Falkirk by-election leading to unproven accusations Unite officials were gerrymandering the local constituency party.
 
McCluskey derided the allegations as a "behind-the-scenes smear campaign", despite the whole thing looking as suspect as Paul Nuttall's end-of-term school report.


We'll never know whether Paul really was once a sought-after mankini model

As a result of the furore Ed Miliband made a hurried change, appluaded by McCluskey, to the party's election rules.
 
And that change meant that not only did Labour later elect Jeremy Corbyn, it could not get rid of him even when he led the party into the kind of doldrums last seen when Napoleon thought it a jolly wheeze to over-winter on the Russian Front.
 
Since 2015 Corbyn has lost Labour votes in local and Parliamentary elections in every part of Britain except London. Wait, I lie – he's added 0.1% of the vote in Humberside.

Yay

He has lost the confidence of 172 MPs. He has seen so many of his top team resign that if you ask a political reporter how many reshuffles he's had they can't agree if the first one ever ended.

This month 17 members of his shadow cabinet voted against him in an act of defiance a wet dishrag wouldn't stand for. And 17, coincidentally, is the same percentage he now boasts in the public approval ratings.
 
Theresa May is on 45%, a position which she would not enjoy if her opposite number could only point out her dazzling inability make decisions.

"Yeah, but I like that in a woman"

It was McCluskey who, during last year's abortive Labour coup, told Corbyn to stay on.
 
It's McCluskey who is throwing his union members' money into a dysfunctional party with as much hope of giving workers a legislative voice as Gareth Malone does of wrangling a baritone out of Joe Pasquale.
 
And yet it's McCluskey who, today, blamed all this on a disunited Labour Party which he could not have done more to divide if he'd set about it with a machete.
 
That's why Len McCluskey should be ashamed at the true blue Tory who stares back from his bedroom mirror.
 
And so should the union members who have a chance, in March, to vote this dinosaur back into the stone age and pick someone else as Unite general secretary.

He's called Gerard Coyne and he can't possibly be any worse
 

Jeremy Corbyn, Claudio Ranieri...

... and why people who still believe in both of them are not perhaps the sharpest tools in the box are the topics of today's Daily Mirror column which you can read here.

And I will not apologise for the Edwina Currie joke.

Wednesday, 22 February 2017

The 7 most important lessons to teach your child...

... and how they're all, pretty much, 'don't do what I did', is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can be outraged by if you click here.

And yes, it's true about the ears. I'm doing it right now.

Friday, 17 February 2017

Tony Blair's idea of Brexit...

... and how he's gone totally Donald Trump is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Let's Make Blair Great Again! Or not.

Wednesday, 15 February 2017

Paul Nuttall's Hillsborough history...

... and the 7 ways he could use his powers to mislead for good are the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

I'm very sad about the Bungle thing. If ever something should be true...

Monday, 13 February 2017

Broadchurch and rape on TV...

... are the topics of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read about here.

Your Valentine's Day may be lovely, but for some people it won't be.

Friday, 10 February 2017

The NHS in crisis...

... and why Jeremy Hunt is the last person who should be left in charge of it is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Some days I write about silly things because they're funny. This is a different day.

Wednesday, 8 February 2017

Blind Date's return...

... and Donald Trump's inevitable appearance on it alongside Nigel Farage and Boris Johnson is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

I know. I'm ill.

Monday, 6 February 2017

David Beckham, his knighthood...

... and why he'll never get it now is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

I don't even want to be made a dame for pointing any of it out.

Friday, 3 February 2017

Jeremy Corbyn's latest shadow cabinet reshuffle...

... and who, outside of the usual incompetents, should get the top jobs are the topic of today's worryingly light-hearted column for the Daily Mirror, which you can find here.

In these dark times, it's better to laugh than sob hysterically into your pillow.

Wednesday, 1 February 2017

Health tourists...

... and why it's not as bad as you're being told, and certainly not as bad as how you're being made to think, is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

The racists won't like it at ALL.

Friday, 27 January 2017

Theresa May's first six months...

... and how little we still know about her are the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can be a little the wiser about if you click here.

Enjoy Trumpageddon, y'all.

Wednesday, 25 January 2017

Donald Trump's day one promises...

... and how he's already cocking everything up is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Careful though, if you don't like facts it's probably not for you!

Wednesday, 18 January 2017

Donald Trump's inauguration...

... and just how bad it might get is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Nostrovia! *drinks gin*

Monday, 16 January 2017

Blue Monday...

... and the reasons why you should all be a lot more happy about things is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Now CHEER UP!

Friday, 13 January 2017

The cold weather...

... and why it's worse than you think is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

It costs £22.32 to get someone off the streets. To donate to Crisis, click here.

Wednesday, 11 January 2017

Donald Trump, Watersportsgate...

... and how filthy dirty people can be is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you may be appalled by here.

And no, I'm not making it up.

Monday, 9 January 2017

Meryl Streep's Golden Globes speech...

... and why it proved we NEED Donald Trump is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Tell me I'm wrong. Dare ya.

Friday, 6 January 2017

Snowflakes...

... and why it would be nice if humans weren't so narcissistic and daft is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you won't like at all and can be read here.

I think it's rubbing off, because it took me four goes to spell 'narcissistic' and I wanted to let you know about it. ARGH.

Wednesday, 4 January 2017

Lily Allen, Tommy Robinson...

.. and why she's right and he's NOT called Tommy is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can be annoyed by, especially if you're a white male, here.

I am looking forward to the comments ALREADY.