Fox (n): carnivore of genus vulpes; crafty person; scavenger; (vb) to confuse; -ed (adj): to be drunk.

Tuesday, 30 September 2014

Brooks Newmark's resignation...

... and why his paisley-patterned impropriety is a matter of public interest are the topics of today's column for the Daily Mirror and you can read it here.

Go on, you know you want to.

Friday, 19 September 2014

Scotland, devolution...

... and why we need to stick together and make our politicians work properly is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

And no, you can't have a recount.

Thursday, 18 September 2014

The Scotland referendum...

... and the questions no-one seems able to answer without saying "unicorns" is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

*puts tin Tam O'Shanter on*

Friday, 12 September 2014

Oscar Pistorius...

... and why it's probably time we stopped giving guns to people is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Sleep safe, y'all.

Wednesday, 10 September 2014

The Scottish Referendum...

... and why it's a really bad idea to vote at all, but if you have to you probably ought to vote No, is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

*puts tartan helmet on*

Monday, 8 September 2014

The news about a second Royal Baby...

... and why White Dee would make a better Queen than Kate Middleton is the topic of today's Daily Mirror column which you can be massively offended by here.

What use would an MBE be, any road?

Friday, 5 September 2014

Jihadi John...

... and why Britain ought to welcome him and his chums home with open arms is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can be horrified by right here.

La la la la, I can't hear you, la la la.

Wednesday, 3 September 2014

Tony Blair being named Philanthropist of the Year...

... and just how much of an outrage that seems is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Cybernats won't like it one bit.

*hums Scotland the Brave*

Monday, 1 September 2014

The hacked photos of Jennifer Lawrence...

... and how women can avoid "asking for" this sort of treatment is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Then you will need a large jar and a black cloth.

Friday, 29 August 2014

Brad and Angelina got married...

... and the world forgot that Jennifer Aniston won this round. My column for the Daily Mirror can be read here.

Have a nice, non-judgmental weekend!

Friday, 22 August 2014

Paul Gascoigne, Malky Mackay...

... and why football really ought to be better than this by now is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Beautiful Game, my arse it is.

Wednesday, 20 August 2014

The murder of James Foley...

... and why a war is just what Islamic State wants us to do is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Then you will probably want to buy yourself a nice, roomy, underground bunker.

Monday, 18 August 2014

David Cameron's call to arms against IS...

... and how, exactly, the thing thing inside which passes for a brain is working, is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Then you will probably want to build yourself a bunker.

Friday, 15 August 2014

Celebrity Big Brother 2014...

... and why we all LOVE it if we're honest is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Set the video recorder to OH MAH GAWD THEY DITTN'T!

Wednesday, 13 August 2014

Edinburgh Zoo's baby pandas...

... and why they're a really bad idea are the topic of today's Daily Mirror column which you can read here.

Yes, yes, cute, I know. But also, not pandas.

Tuesday, 12 August 2014

Robin Williams, depression...

... and why you don't have to be suicidal to entertain people is the topic of today's Daily Mirror column which you can read here.

And if you need someone to talk to, ring 08457 90 90 90.

Friday, 8 August 2014

Gaza, George Galloway, Joan Rivers...

... and why idiots don't help end wars is the topic of today's Daily Mirror column which you can read here.

*puts on tin helmet*

Thursday, 7 August 2014

Boris Johnson's bid for Downing Street...

... and why it'll never happen is the topic of today's Daily Mirror column which you can read here.

There is not one scintilla of piffle or whiff-whaff in it.

Monday, 4 August 2014

The First World War..

... the centennary and why this is a good time to work out why 17million people died is the topic of today's Daily Mirror column which you can read here.

And then, please, make sure you're registered to vote.

Friday, 1 August 2014

The Prime Minister, his taxes...

... and the things he won't tell you even though he promised that he would, is the topic of today's Daily Mirror column which you can read here.

After which, you will probably want a good fume.