Fox (n): carnivore of genus vulpes; crafty person; scavenger; (vb) to confuse; -ed (adj): to be drunk.

Monday, 11 December 2017

Dabbie McGee on Strictly Come Dancing...

The sad truth about the ritual humiliations of reality shows like I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here is that winning them is usually the last thing you want to do.

Unless you're Debbie McGee, the most life-affirming finalist Strictly's ever had... Read on



Monday, 4 December 2017

Brexit and the Irish border...

This isn't Brexit, whatever they tell you. It's just a very expensive way of Remaining.

Read today's column for the Daily Mirror here...

Wednesday, 29 November 2017

Meghan Markle's citizenship test...

What's the best way to respond when someone cuts in front of you in a queue? How do you make a cup of tea? Why would men wear suspenders? These questions and more are the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror and if you can't answer them, then you can't marry a prince.

Sorry. End of. Read here.

Monday, 27 November 2017

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle's engagement...

"Cheer two happy, crazed optimists all you like; but remember what you're applauding is the addition of fresh meat to keep the most uppity inmate happy in Her Majesty's Prison Buckingham Palace..."

Read on...

Friday, 24 November 2017

North Shields mum Sarah Hall has come in for some stick after asking her son's school to take Sleeping Beauty off the curriculum on the basis it ends with a prince sexually assaulting an unconscious woman.
But fairy stories are morality tales used for millennia to tell children what dangers to look out for. As such, reading Sleeping Beauty to youngsters is a GREAT idea, and should be done by every school in the land as part of mandatory age-appropriate consent classes. 

Wednesday, 22 November 2017

Philip Hammond's 2017 budget...

... and why the translation makes more sense than the delivery is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Flying cars. That's all we need.

Monday, 20 November 2017

The Tory housing crisis...

If you repeat something often enough it becomes accepted as fact, and the phrase "housing crisis" has been uttered by politicians of all parties for so long that anyone pointing out there isn't one gets shouted down.
But there isn't a housing crisis. Or at least, not the one you've been told about. Read on...

Friday, 17 November 2017

Mali the dog who won the Dickin Medal...

Mali, now aged 8, had been hauled up the outside of the building before being sent in first to clear rooms and locate booby traps. He's now recovered from his wounds and is helping to train others, and was been awarded the Dickin Medal by the PDSA charity.
And therein lies the problem - the dog who went in first, who took the greatest risk and was injured the worse, was recognised by a charity. His human handler got a Military Cross and was recognised by Queen and country. Read on...

Wednesday, 15 November 2017

Brexit and what it's done to democracy...

Brexit is, whoever you ask, a bloody mess.
The Tories are chewing their own entrails, Labour are running around like headless chickens, the Lib Dems are just flapping their hands about and the rest of us - Leave or Remain - have zero faith in any of it.
But there's one marvellous thing that's changed... Read on

Monday, 13 November 2017

Boris Johnson's dad on I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here...

Put yourself, for a moment, in Boris Johnson's shoes.


All right, they're clown shoes and, okay, they're both so deeply embedded in your mouth you can twiddle your toes in stomach acid. But aside from bipedal indigestion, how do you feel? Read on...

Friday, 10 November 2017

The 2017 John Lewis Christmas ad...

"Let's get one thing straight - Christmas has nothing to do with Christ. It's an historic bacchanalia to celebrate life itself and was nicked in its entirety by the early church to justify a resurrection myth common to almost every religion on Earth, and at the same time piggybacking itself into cultures already open to the idea of a mid-winter piss-up.
"So to every sad-sack scriptural pedant complaining the John Lewis Christmas advert features no Jesus, no choir, and no Cap'n Bird's Eye floating in the sky I say..." Read on...

Wednesday, 8 November 2017

Who runs Britain...

"I don't want to worry you, but there's nobody running the country.

"The politicians aren't doing it. The billionaires aren't doing it. We've asked the EU to stop doing it and USA couldn't run a bath..."
Click here to read on...

Friday, 3 November 2017

Bonfire Night and fireworks injuries...

... and why setting off explosives in your back garden makes you a SCREAMING MORON is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Just. Stop. Doing. It.

Monday, 30 October 2017

Kevin Spacey and his excuses...

... about why he can't remember doing a thing he doesn't deny to Anthony Rapp, and the excuses being made by everyone from Weinstein to Freddie Starr aren't worth the tiny violins they're being played on is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Some people are just pigs. And that's it.

Wednesday, 25 October 2017

Using a robot to care for the elderly...

... and why it's an atrocious idea that'll probably catch on, much to our species' detriment, is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Doctor Who has a LOT to answer for.

Monday, 23 October 2017

Transgender schoolchildren...

... and why Jeremy Hunt isn't exactly helping the situation is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

And no, they don't 'change sex' until they're 18, whatever you think you've read.

Friday, 20 October 2017

How Brexit is going so far...

... and why it's never going to happen is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Never. Ever.

Wednesday, 18 October 2017

Donald Trump's call to the widow of Sgt La David Johnson...

... and why it might finally be the thing that proves fatal to his presidency is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Here's hoping, yeah?

Wednesday, 11 October 2017

The Harvey Weinstein scandal...

... and why it's wrong to blame Hollywood, or his victims, women in general or actresses in particular, for crimes men condone, overlook and laugh off every day, is the topic of today's column in the Daily Mirror.

You can read it here.

Monday, 9 October 2017

Theresa May's problem with Boris...

... and why she's the most high-profile victim of modern slavery we've yet seen is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

If you don't feel sorry for her you must have a heart of stone.