Fox (n): carnivore of genus vulpes; crafty person; scavenger; (vb) to confuse; -ed (adj): to be drunk.

Friday, 19 January 2018

The Boris Bridge and how it would actually work...

So what Boris is ACTUALLY suggesting is grinding the White Cliffs into cement, filling the Channel Tunnel with concrete, using that as the foundation for a bridge twice as high as Nelson's Column with another 2 or 3 Nelson's Columns below the waves, and binning off a shipping industry worth £14bn in turnover and £2bn in tax revenues in return for a bridge that would, in all likelihood, make any country go bust.

Read on...

Wednesday, 17 January 2018

The Bayeux Tapestry is on loan to Britain...

... and perhaps its message might just be able to reverse Brexit. So what might these 7 other great works of European art be able to achieve? Read on...

Monday, 15 January 2018

The real reasons for the collapse of Carillion...

Carillion failed after the Tories repeatedly ignored the warnings - and every step the Government took to pretend it wasn't happening can be found in today's column for the Daily Mirror, which you can read here.

Clowns, the lot of them.

Friday, 12 January 2018

Theresa May's grand environmental plan...

... and why it's bats*** is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

I only wish it was a joke.

Wednesday, 10 January 2018

David Davis and the Brexit negotiations...

Welcome to a bright and shiny New Year! New hope! New starts! New and interesting ways in which enemies of the people are treasonously derailing Brexit!
I wish I were talking about the Labour Party, but no. It appears the Tories are greeting 2018 by redoubling their electorally suicidal efforts to enforce Brexit by screwing it sideways. Read on...

Monday, 8 January 2018

Theresa May's first cabinet reshuffle...

... and the inside story of just how bad it could be is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

*sighs resignedly*

Friday, 5 January 2018

Rapist John Worboys was released from prison...

... and it wasn't because of Keir Starmer, no matter how much you hate him or Labour or his work as Shadow Brexit Secretary.

The people who ARE to blame can be discovered by reading today's Daily Mirror column which you can find here.

Thursday, 21 December 2017

Damian Green's resignation...

... and the unanswered questions he has left behind him are the topic of today's, and this year's final, column for the Daily Mirror which as usual you can read by enclicking here.

Have a peaceful Christmas and a happy New Year, folks! See you on the other side.

Monday, 18 December 2017

My Christmas survival guide...

... and the 7 things you need to know to stay sane are the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

And trust me on the Yorkshires. They're lovely, but not with Christmas dinner, and they take up too much stomach room.

Friday, 15 December 2017

Meghan Markle's Christmas at Sandringham...

Picture the scene: the drawing room at Sandringham, a new group of eccentric in-laws, and an unwelcome, broiling heat in your lower intestine.
Because this year Meghan's digestive tract will be introduced to Brussels sprouts, and my oh my but is she going to parp. Read on...

Wednesday, 13 December 2017

Theresa May's inquiry into Damian Green and Mark Garnier...

The best thing about a woman in power should be that power stops being used to abuse women.
So it's a damned shame that Theresa May sees no reason to fulfil the reasonable expectations of the 52% of voters who thought she'd make a difference... Read on

Monday, 11 December 2017

Dabbie McGee on Strictly Come Dancing...

The sad truth about the ritual humiliations of reality shows like I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here is that winning them is usually the last thing you want to do.

Unless you're Debbie McGee, the most life-affirming finalist Strictly's ever had... Read on



Monday, 4 December 2017

Brexit and the Irish border...

This isn't Brexit, whatever they tell you. It's just a very expensive way of Remaining.

Read today's column for the Daily Mirror here...

Wednesday, 29 November 2017

Meghan Markle's citizenship test...

What's the best way to respond when someone cuts in front of you in a queue? How do you make a cup of tea? Why would men wear suspenders? These questions and more are the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror and if you can't answer them, then you can't marry a prince.

Sorry. End of. Read here.

Monday, 27 November 2017

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle's engagement...

"Cheer two happy, crazed optimists all you like; but remember what you're applauding is the addition of fresh meat to keep the most uppity inmate happy in Her Majesty's Prison Buckingham Palace..."

Read on...

Friday, 24 November 2017

North Shields mum Sarah Hall has come in for some stick after asking her son's school to take Sleeping Beauty off the curriculum on the basis it ends with a prince sexually assaulting an unconscious woman.
But fairy stories are morality tales used for millennia to tell children what dangers to look out for. As such, reading Sleeping Beauty to youngsters is a GREAT idea, and should be done by every school in the land as part of mandatory age-appropriate consent classes. 

Wednesday, 22 November 2017

Philip Hammond's 2017 budget...

... and why the translation makes more sense than the delivery is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Flying cars. That's all we need.

Monday, 20 November 2017

The Tory housing crisis...

If you repeat something often enough it becomes accepted as fact, and the phrase "housing crisis" has been uttered by politicians of all parties for so long that anyone pointing out there isn't one gets shouted down.
But there isn't a housing crisis. Or at least, not the one you've been told about. Read on...

Friday, 17 November 2017

Mali the dog who won the Dickin Medal...

Mali, now aged 8, had been hauled up the outside of the building before being sent in first to clear rooms and locate booby traps. He's now recovered from his wounds and is helping to train others, and was been awarded the Dickin Medal by the PDSA charity.
And therein lies the problem - the dog who went in first, who took the greatest risk and was injured the worse, was recognised by a charity. His human handler got a Military Cross and was recognised by Queen and country. Read on...

Wednesday, 15 November 2017

Brexit and what it's done to democracy...

Brexit is, whoever you ask, a bloody mess.
The Tories are chewing their own entrails, Labour are running around like headless chickens, the Lib Dems are just flapping their hands about and the rest of us - Leave or Remain - have zero faith in any of it.
But there's one marvellous thing that's changed... Read on