... and why he gets to tell me what to do with my uterus on the same day I get to slam his balls in a car door is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.
And yes, Jesus IS on my side in this one.
Thursday, 31 March 2016
Wednesday, 30 March 2016
America and why its people are so stupid...
... is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.
Unless you're American, in which case you'd probably rather not.
Unless you're American, in which case you'd probably rather not.
Tuesday, 29 March 2016
Argentina, the Falkland Islands...
... and why those rocks in the South Atlantic are better off British is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.
*hums Rule Britannia*
*hums Rule Britannia*
Wednesday, 23 March 2016
The Brussels terror attacks...
... and why atrocities make us behave atrociously is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.
I'm off for some fresh air.
I'm off for some fresh air.
Friday, 18 March 2016
Jamie Oliver, breast feeding...
... and why he ought to wind his neck in and get back to the kitchen is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.
Please send all neonatal Nazi comments c/o your mum.
Please send all neonatal Nazi comments c/o your mum.
Monday, 14 March 2016
Top Gear, Chris Evans...
... and why he might just be even more stupid than Jeremy Clarkson is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.
Dearie me.
Dearie me.
Friday, 11 March 2016
Douglas Adams, the Hitchhiker's Guide and the EU referendum...
... have all been crashed together to make something that looks a bit like today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.
Remember: 42.
Remember: 42.
Tuesday, 8 March 2016
International Women's Day...
... and an open letter to my unborn daughter are the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.
Poor little scrap. Being monetised already.
Poor little scrap. Being monetised already.
Monday, 7 March 2016
Prince William, Kate Middleton...
... and why we secretly love a total lack of equality is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.
I know, I won't be made a dame any time soon. Somehow I think I'll cope.
I know, I won't be made a dame any time soon. Somehow I think I'll cope.
Friday, 4 March 2016
Iain Duncan Smith's raging hypocrisy...
... and why both sides in the EU referendum are as hateful as each other is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.
Perhaps Kim will let us move to North Korea.
Perhaps Kim will let us move to North Korea.
Wednesday, 2 March 2016
The reasons why Donald Trump is helping Hillary Clinton...
... and why we should all be so glad he's doing so well after Super Tuesday is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.
Pip, pip!
Pip, pip!
Tuesday, 1 March 2016
If Donald Trump wins Super Tuesday...
... and makes it to the White House, these are the policies he'll be taking with him. I wrote a thing for our new national newspaper The New Day on how The Donald will run the world and you can read it by clicking here.
Then, I suggest, you'll be wanting a bunker of some sort.
Then, I suggest, you'll be wanting a bunker of some sort.
Friday, 26 February 2016
Donald Trump really WILL make America great again...
... and I can prove it here, in today's Daily Mirror column.
And it's not even that sarcastic, considering! Have a nice weekend.
And it's not even that sarcastic, considering! Have a nice weekend.
Wednesday, 24 February 2016
Commuters, rush hour...
... and combining the two with pregnancy is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.
No really, don't get up. I can see you're busy with your phone.
No really, don't get up. I can see you're busy with your phone.
Monday, 22 February 2016
The EU referendum, Boris Johnson...
... and why it's all funnier than anyone realises is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.
And no, I'm NOT joking.
And no, I'm NOT joking.
Friday, 19 February 2016
David Cameron, the EU...
... and why there are 10 more important and interesting things he should be demanding in treaty negotiations are the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.
At a guess, I'd say I made only half of it up.
At a guess, I'd say I made only half of it up.
Wednesday, 17 February 2016
Animal cruelty...
... and why we don't punish it properly or sometimes at all is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.
After which, you'll need to cuddle the nearest pet and apologise.
After which, you'll need to cuddle the nearest pet and apologise.
Monday, 15 February 2016
The new James Bond...
... and why, if the world was doing right, it really ought to be Nigel Farage is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.
You KNOW I'm right.
You KNOW I'm right.
Friday, 12 February 2016
Jeremy Hunt's war on the NHS...
... is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.
After which you will need a tin helmet and immunity from disease.
After which you will need a tin helmet and immunity from disease.
Monday, 8 February 2016
David Cameron's prison reforms...
... and why he perhaps ought to be in one himself is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.
While we wait, enjoy the inevitable crime wave he's sending your way.
While we wait, enjoy the inevitable crime wave he's sending your way.