Fox (n): carnivore of genus vulpes; crafty person; scavenger; (vb) to confuse; -ed (adj): to be drunk.

Monday, 1 September 2014

The hacked photos of Jennifer Lawrence...

... and how women can avoid "asking for" this sort of treatment is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Then you will need a large jar and a black cloth.

Friday, 29 August 2014

Brad and Angelina got married...

... and the world forgot that Jennifer Aniston won this round. My column for the Daily Mirror can be read here.

Have a nice, non-judgmental weekend!

Friday, 22 August 2014

Paul Gascoigne, Malky Mackay...

... and why football really ought to be better than this by now is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Beautiful Game, my arse it is.

Wednesday, 20 August 2014

The murder of James Foley...

... and why a war is just what Islamic State wants us to do is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Then you will probably want to buy yourself a nice, roomy, underground bunker.

Monday, 18 August 2014

David Cameron's call to arms against IS...

... and how, exactly, the thing thing inside which passes for a brain is working, is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Then you will probably want to build yourself a bunker.

Friday, 15 August 2014

Celebrity Big Brother 2014...

... and why we all LOVE it if we're honest is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Set the video recorder to OH MAH GAWD THEY DITTN'T!

Wednesday, 13 August 2014

Edinburgh Zoo's baby pandas...

... and why they're a really bad idea are the topic of today's Daily Mirror column which you can read here.

Yes, yes, cute, I know. But also, not pandas.

Tuesday, 12 August 2014

Robin Williams, depression...

... and why you don't have to be suicidal to entertain people is the topic of today's Daily Mirror column which you can read here.

And if you need someone to talk to, ring 08457 90 90 90.

Friday, 8 August 2014

Gaza, George Galloway, Joan Rivers...

... and why idiots don't help end wars is the topic of today's Daily Mirror column which you can read here.

*puts on tin helmet*

Thursday, 7 August 2014

Boris Johnson's bid for Downing Street...

... and why it'll never happen is the topic of today's Daily Mirror column which you can read here.

There is not one scintilla of piffle or whiff-whaff in it.

Monday, 4 August 2014

The First World War..

... the centennary and why this is a good time to work out why 17million people died is the topic of today's Daily Mirror column which you can read here.

And then, please, make sure you're registered to vote.

Friday, 1 August 2014

The Prime Minister, his taxes...

... and the things he won't tell you even though he promised that he would, is the topic of today's Daily Mirror column which you can read here.

After which, you will probably want a good fume.

Monday, 28 July 2014

Tony Blair's envoy role in Gaza and Israel...

... and why the world would be a better place if Tony Blair wasn't the special envoy is the topic of today's Daily Mirror column which you can read here.

And having written it, I'm going to have a very large gin. Have yourself one, why don't you?

Friday, 25 July 2014

50 Shades of Grey trailer...

... and why it's nothing like a good spanking is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

And then go and wait for me in the Red Room.

Thursday, 24 July 2014

Gaza, MH17, Syria, my grandad...

... and why World War II never ended is the topic of today's Daily Mirror column which you can read here.

Tough one to write, that. RIP grandad.


Tuesday, 22 July 2014

Prince George's first birthday...

... and why he's really not happy about it is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

I shall just sit here and wait for the OBE.

Tuesday, 15 July 2014

The wimmin's reshuffle and wimmin bishops...

... are the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here, if impotent fury is your thing.

Monday, 14 July 2014

Three months since Boko Haram kidnapped Nigerian schoolgirls...

... and what's happened since? Find out in today's Daily Mirror column which you can read here.

Then you'll want to punch a wall, I expect. I know I do.

Friday, 11 July 2014

Lethal loom bands, children...

... and why we should blame the parents who want to ban them is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

*flicks band*

Wednesday, 9 July 2014

A video of Angelina Jolie on drugs...

... and why it's the most inspiring thing you'll see all day is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

WARNING: You'll be hungry for cake by the end.