10 things we learned from Amanda Knox's retrial...

... and the murder of Meredith Kercher, who seems to have been forgotten in all the guff about the main suspect in her killing.

All in today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

The Queen is running out of money...

... but there are plenty of options. There are some helpful money-making suggestions for her in my Daily Mirror column today, which you can read here.

I'll just sit here and wait for my damehood, shall I?

Blame Canada.

Because it's responsible for today's column which is here.

Don't read it, you'll only get offended.

Don't get sick...

... don't be different, don't be the sort of person who notices stuff like this.

Otherwise you'd have to do something about it.

Lib Dems, political apologies...

... and the four rules of saying sorry are the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which may be enjoyed here.

Chris Huhne and David Laws would probably rather not read it, but the rest of you can fill your boots.

The Oscars aren't as nice as they seem...

... and if you think it's all lovely people and nice frocks, read this.

You'll never see Woody Allen the same way again.

Francois Hollande, politics...

... and Ed Miliband's G-spot are all included in today's column which is here.

Wouldn't read it if I were you. You'll never be the same again.

If Hayley Cropper can kill herself...

... and the law says my dog mustn't suffer unnecessarily, then I want to be able to do the same.

Today's column is about suicide and you can read it here.

Now: on with the gin martinis!

This is what it's like to go on Question Time...

... and I only wish Dimbleby had been drunk enough to take his shirt off.

Read all the behind-the-scenes shenanigans here and don't forget to say dinosaur.

Stop just watching TV...

... and start thinking instead, for example by reading this.

WARNING: May contain extra bumholes.

Never mind the floods...

... it's time to build an ark, and start chucking a few people overboard. Starting with Eric Pickles, as you can read here.

Stay dry, y'all.

New Year's resolutions...

... are a load of old rubbish according to medical experts, science, logic and me.

If you want to know why, you can read about it here and then treat yourself to a nice gin and tonic.

Cheers!