Fox (n): carnivore of genus vulpes; crafty person; scavenger; (vb) to confuse; -ed (adj): to be drunk.

Tuesday, 14 August 2012

The best revenge is to live well.

LIFE, as has often been said and in defiance of the past fortnight of competitive sport, is not about winning.

You can have millions of pounds, you can have lots of children, you can have a trophy cabinet full of gold medals, but those things mean a lot only to you. To others, more often than not, they are of only passing interest.

As an old song says the race is long, and in the end it's only with yourself. Maybe you'll have a sixty-year marriage and he'll always put the spiders outside for you, but it always ends one way or another and you'll be single at some point.

There's a lot of hot air spouted about how important it is to have a partner, to be one half of a more socially-acceptable unit, which is why news of a famously-unmarried woman is, well, news.

Jennifer Aniston is officially seen as "unlucky in love" and somehow behind on points compared to her ex-husband Brad Pitt and his new life because she has been single, on and off, since 2004.

Hmmm. She's so "unlucky" that she slept with Brad Pitt for seven years - back when he was pretty, before he went all craggy and grew unattractive facial hair.

She's so "unlucky" she went on to have a series of love affairs with some of the world's best-looking male specimens, including Vince Vaughn, Owen Wilson, Paul Sculfor and Gerard Butler.

Brad sleeps with just the one woman, whose leg is on wrong.


Jennifer has no children and can have lie-ins and late nights. Brad has six, one of whom inexplicably had to be born in a remote part of Namibia because Mrs Bonkers insisted on it.

Jennifer is so blighted by misfortune that at the age of 43 she looks like a 20-something. Brad, who is 48, looks like a 48-year-old man who doesn't get a lot of lie-ins.


In the years since their public and painful split Jennifer has built a personal fortune of £70million. Even films she was in which were trashed by critics do very well financially, like The Bounty Hunter, which had a £25m budget and earned a total of £86.6m. She is extremely successful and she usually appears on red carpets by herself, on her own merit.

Brad and Mrs Bonkers are together a lot richer, but according to those who compile lists on these things each has earned less in recent years than Jennifer. They 'support' each other by always appearing as a duo at events, presumably because she cannot stand unaided with that leg.

Jennifer is now getting married to a long-time friend who also happens to be one of the hottest men on earth. Brad is also, maybe, getting married to Mrs Bonkers.

Now, it's nice to have a companion, someone with whom to share your worries and pool your resources. It's good to know there is someone who will support you when you have a wobble. Despite the fact he fell for her while married to Jennifer which is never the best start, Brad has stuck it out with Mrs Bonkers and good luck to them.

No-one ever wins in a divorce but if you want to tot up who's doing best in the long run then by pretty much every single yardstick Jennifer is ahead. She is wealthy, healthy and successful, she has a romantic history most of us can only daydream about, and more importantly than anything else she smiles a hell of a lot more than either Brad or Mrs Bonkers.

She is well shot of an ex who is scraggy and inconsistent with a fetish for women who like knives and blood and have dislocated their own knee. Having a partner that's worth the noun is a nice thing, but it is not the only way to be happy or successful and frankly if you can't have fun by yourself you need to see a doctor.

Being single does not mean you are half a person, or that you will fall over if someone isn't stood next to you. It means you are one whole individual, happy in themselves, who can stand on their own two feet and in extremis can remove the spiders yourself.

It's far better that someone stands next to you because of that, than because you might collapse otherwise.

If she's been unlucky, then I want some of it.

Cow.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Absolutely. I have nothing against Brad and Ange but can't stand the endless "poor her" reporting of Jen's love life.

Brad and Ange may be about to get married this weekend - good luck to them.
Jen and her man are recently engaged - good luck to them.
The two statements are not necessarily connected at all and the insinuation that the timing is staged by Jen to steal Ange's thunder is petty, appears to have no evidence and seems to be a ploy to sell newspapers.

Lex said...

Bravo!

Alconcalcia said...

Maybe she's just got a shit personality? :-)

Allan D said...

Brilliant article, Foxy. You ought to take up writing for a living (lol!).

Anonymous said...

Jen can have me if she plays her card right

Matt said...

Oh Foxy,

I would moan about this piece concentrating on 'celebs' like I have done in the past but I won't for two reasons:

1) The deserve the name celebrity as they have actually contributed to society with the TV shows/films they have produced.
2) Although I don't care about their love lives you have out across an valid discussion about splitting up with someone.

I do however disagree with your comment Jen has won. Why is this the case? If both Jen and Brad are happy in their respective relationships then surely they both win?

Surely the whole gossip about are they happy/will Jen settle down/have children? Is just a reason to get people to buy papers. Has anyone asked Jen if she wants children? If not why are so many assuming she does? Why are people so judgemental of Angelina and her lifestyle? I thought we were meant to be more accepting of alternate lifestyles (see also Madonna for jokes about adopting African babies)?

I don't understand this need to keep comparing two people who split up 8 years ago and have no reason to meet each other in ordinary life (unlike Cruise and Holmes who have a child and as such will need to see each other - gossiip lovers will love following this).

Why can we not let some things stay private? Neither party has done anything that is illegal or that isn't done by millions of people all over the world. And if people want Jen to be happy surely the best thing to do would be to let her have a private life that is private and not put pressure on her to have the perfect relationship?

Anonymous said...

i just take issue with your definition of hot males.

Anonymous said...

Really nicely done! Thank you! Having just come from reading about 30 of 50 pages on Huffington Post where Jolie-fans viciously attack Aniston's looks, character and career in the thread congratulating her engagement, before moving on to the most virulent, misogynistic, vile comments about this women's uterus, womb, "rotten egges," and menstrual cycles that I have ever had the horrified misfortune to read, your piece was a pure pleasure.

And that, to answer your question, Matt, is why the comparisons won't go away. I like Jen. I don't really care anything at all for what Jolie does or does not do. I don't care for her and never have, but I would never dream of invading a thread on a mainstream blog about her engagement to engage in the kinds of vulgarity that Jolie fans feel absolutely entitled to do with Aniston. I feel that I have become an Aniston fan by default --more in defense of women than because I think she's a great actress (I don't think that) or a lovely and graceful woman (I do think that).

Anonymous said...

2005 was seven years ago? I started noticing Angelina's fans inflating numbers a few years ago. In 2009, they had Brad and Angelina together for seven years already. A few are now rounding up to an even decade. Although it does seem the affair may have started well before the 2005 divorce. It's very confusing.

Edwin Thuku said...

whats the problem with 'sleeping with just one woman' isnt that how it is supposed to be.....!

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