Fox (n): carnivore of genus vulpes; crafty person; scavenger; (vb) to confuse; -ed (adj): to be drunk.

Wednesday, 19 October 2011

Russia's greatest love machine.

SAY what you like about the Russians, they have a hell of a work ethic.

Alleged spy Katia Zatuliveter endured an affair for four long years with Liberal Democrat backbencher and Portsmouth MP Mike Hancock, a man renowned for neither his charm or his good looks.

He is in fact notorious for being a sex-pig, for a string of affairs that have been exposed in the Press which have embarrassed his long-suffering wife Jacqueline and their two children, and most recently for allegations of making sexual advances towards a vulnerable woman who was mentally ill.

His nickname in Westminster is 'Handycock', but I imagine anyone unlucky enough to be presented with it thinks it is anything but handy.

According to Katia's evidence at a deportation appeal on the night they met Handycock's moves involved going to her room "with a CD and some money". I shudder to think what his soundtrack of love would have been - Back in the USSR perhaps, or Ra-Ra-Rasputin.

She has now been accused of being a spy, not least because her involvement with Handycock saw a spurt of him asking new questions in Parliament about our missile systems and where we kept them.

Never mind that he's a less important part of the political machine than whoever empties the bins, and whatever information she gleaned could have been found quite easily with Google.

If she's not a spy she simply needs sitting down with a cup of hot, sweet tea and a friendly talk about how to choose better boyfriends.

And if she is a spy, then could someone please sit the current version of the KGB down with a cup of hot, sweet tea and give them a friendly talk about how it's much easier to infiltrate the Ministry of Defence just by being chums with whichever numpty has been put in charge of it.

Or by going through the bins once Oliver Letwin's had his morning constitutional.

It's hardly Spooks, is it?