Fox (n): carnivore of genus vulpes; crafty person; scavenger; (vb) to confuse; -ed (adj): to be drunk.

Wednesday, 5 October 2011

Nurse, she's out of bed again.

WHITE wine for lunch, Jaffa cakes for breakfast, gnawing on a piece of mouldy cheese for tea. Hacks, generally speaking, treat their bodies like a skip. A skip expected to get up early, stay up late, and function while full of Jagermeister.

So I'm not one to comment if ex-glamour girl Jodie Marsh decides to spend some time in the gym and become a bodybuilder. Even though, at nine hours a day, it seems a little excessive to me. The only six-packs I'm interested in have a minimum alcohol content of 4%.

Nor can I really pass judgement on the appalling and unhealthy diet she adopted to drop 20lbs of fat, which involved protein shakes (yuk), green tea (what's the point?) and 15 egg whites a day. I do not know any way I could ingest 15 egg whites in a day, unless they came in meringue form and were slathered in strawberries and cream.

I am going to overlook the bronzing lotion which makes her look like someone who had an argument with a silage plant, because it's just one of the things all bodybuilders do to highlight their muscle tone under strong lights and to cover up the tattoos which would lose her points in competitions.

What I will say is this: Jodie, 32, has spoken often of how she was bullied at school, and the plastic surgery she felt compelled to have to restore her self-confidence. She has, since finding fame, had several boob jobs and been pictured out on the town wearing little more than nipple-tassels on a body which has always been petite and slim but which she now says she found "flabby, fat and full of cellulite".

But the most telling thing she has said about her transformation is this: "I once went on the Jeremy Kyle Show because I had become suicidal."

FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT'S HOLY, THIS WOMAN IS ILL! What more evidence do we need? She is grinning broadly in every picture ever taken of her and all I can see in them is someone whose sense of self has been shattered so badly the only way she can validate her own existence is to be noticed for doing something new and freaky to her form. It's not the media's fault so much as that the media attention which the bizarre always receive has become a symptom of her deeply troubled psyche and heaven knows what she'll do to attract our interest next.

I'm not bothered what she looks like or how she eats, but if this woman doesn't get herself a good shrink she's going to end up doing something far worse to herself than talking to Jeremy Kyle.

Although she has convinced me pavlova is technically a health food, so hooray!

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