Fox (n): carnivore of genus vulpes; crafty person; scavenger; (vb) to confuse; -ed (adj): to be drunk.

Tuesday, 26 July 2011

Bathtime for Gideon.

THE best analogy I've heard for our economy is that the national debt is like a bath filled with water, and the deficit is like leaving the taps on.

The spending cuts the Coalition has made - the warships scrapped, the coppers sacked, the day care centres closed - amount to trying to empty that bath with an egg cup.

And today we're told that the economy has flatlined at 0.2% growth, which is barely within shouting distance of what the Government predicted and which Gideon was praying for.

Gideon has blamed it on the Royal Wedding and the 12-day holiday most of us took. The last time there was a problem with figures he blamed it on the snow. Next time, I expect, he'll point the finger at Andy Coulson or not getting enough greens or, I don't know, the wrong kind of sunshine.

When the wedding was announced it was going to boost tourism and bring in millions of pounds. Heston's trifle sold out at Waitrose, the plastic flag factories went into overdrive, and didn't Wills and Kate look happy?

Trouble is, the flag factories were in China, trifle is never going to shore up a nation's finances and happiness is free. So those taps are still on, Vodafone, Google and Sir Philip Green still pay their taxes abroad, and now Gideon's sacked a shedload of people there's more claiming benefits and fewer with cash to spend.

The Royal Wedding was like Gideon jumping into that bath, splashing around for a bit with his yellow duckie, and then wondering why the floor is wet.

In the meantime, gas has gone up 18%, around £6bn was taken out of the economy by the spending cuts, the wedding probably cost us another £3bn and next year's Olympics are shaping up to be a bloody expensive trip to the gym.

I'm no economist but a blind man can see that we're in the shit. Everything - and I mean everything - Gideon has done, from more tax on North Sea oil to cancelling defence contracts which provide the only jobs available in some parts of the country, has been a disaster. He won't cut VAT, which would get spending up, and the only job he's created was for Coulson - a decision which has so far cost 500 jobs, closed a £160m newspaper and may even bring down the Government.

I had expected so much more of a 2:1 history graduate and career politician with the face of an 18th Century French aristocrat whose defining achievement in life, at the age of 40, is that he changed his name because it didn't sound Prime Ministerial enough.

I had expected he'd screw things up over several years, rather than just the one. Now, can anyone explain why he's still in a job?

Keeps him off the streets, I suppose.

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