Fox (n): carnivore of genus vulpes; crafty person; scavenger; (vb) to confuse; -ed (adj): to be drunk.

Friday, 30 August 2013

David Cameron...

... and the inescapable fact that he'll soon be looking for work is the thing what I have wrote about today for the Daily Mirror which you can see here.

*twerks*

Thursday, 29 August 2013

Good God, y'all.

WE intervened in Iraq. That went well.

We intervened in Afghanistan. Total success, of course.

We intervened in Libya, and it's a land of milk and honey these days.

Last week a bad man did a bad thing for, we reckon, about the 14th time and this evening our representatives will be asked to vote on the principle of military intervention in Syria.

Wednesday, 28 August 2013

Miley Cyrus twerking it...

... and why she should get a standing ovation for doing so is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read by clicking here.

Now I am off to look at my bum and feel sad.

Tuesday, 27 August 2013

A moral obscenity...

... and just how many of them there are knocking around are defined in today's Daily Mirror column which you can read here.

Go us. Yay.

Thursday, 22 August 2013

Prince George's one month birthday...

... and a Royal tantrum about flypasts are the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Red trousers, my bum.

Wednesday, 21 August 2013

Slut-shaming a girl from Slane...

... and why we need some new commandments such as 'think before thy tweeteth' are the things I've written about today for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Stone me later.

Tuesday, 20 August 2013

Caroline Lucas...

... and a list of MPs who should be arrested before her feature in today's Daily Mirror column which you can read here.

Mind how you go.

Monday, 19 August 2013

Peruvian drug mules...

... and why, while it's illegal, the drug business is the dirtiest, nastiest game you could get involved in is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Or to cut a long story short: Don't be so stupid.

Friday, 16 August 2013

Chris Fountain's raps about rape...

... and why his 'musical experiment' makes me ashamed he's a member of the human race is the topic of today's Daily Mirror column which you can read here.

Stupid little cockweasel.

Thursday, 15 August 2013

A-level results...

... and why the only crisis is why we still let politicians anywhere near our children is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Brain like a box of blancmange, remember.

Tuesday, 13 August 2013

Literally...

... going to piss off pretty much everyone with today's column for the Daily Mirror but there you go and here it is.

If you'll excuse me, I'm off to sharpen my knife.

Friday, 9 August 2013

Baby panda frenzy...

.. and a blacked-up Godfrey Bloom are the topics of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

As if we'd ever go that bonkers about a baby.

Thursday, 8 August 2013

Dear parents...

Prepare to be offended.

Someone who is not a parent has no legal or moral right to tell those who are how to raise their children. Someone who is a parent but not of the children concerned will likewise find their advice unwelcome.

But I'm going to do it anyway. Not because I expect in the least you'll listen, or greet it with anything other than 'WELL IF YOU'D HAD CHILDREN...' as though the absence of progeny indicates mental or emotional incapacity of some kind.

Wednesday, 7 August 2013

Charlotte Green reading the football scores...

... and why, as great as that is it's JUST NOT GOOD ENOUGH, FRANKLY is the topic of today's column which you can read here.

I expect it'll piss off just about everyone, but at least I'm fair.

Monday, 5 August 2013

Gibraltar...

... and why Spain is not about to get its thieving hands on it is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

I really mean it about the paella.

Friday, 2 August 2013

The new Dr Who...

... and why he needs to remove his head from his Gallifreyan fundament is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Yes, that is your face. Stop being stupid.