The best not very scientific ways of cooling down in the heat...

... are the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can not get the joke about here.

Please send your complaints c/o your mum.

Mo Farah, his possible knighthood...

... and why that would be a really bad idea is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

I'll bet he doesn't get what he should, but there we go. I tried.

Omran Dasneeq the Syrian boy covered in blood...

.. what we could do about it, and all we're going to do about it, is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Happy World Humanitarian Day, everyone.

Johnny Depp, Simon Danczuk...

... and why they're not the problem with domestic abuse is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Caster Semenya, the Rio 2016 Olympics...

... and why none of it's normal and that's fine is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

I won't even insist that you can't if you're not normal enough.

The Glorious Twelfth...

... and why it's really very silly indeed is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

And no, I'm not suggesting we do it to spaniels. But imagine if we did...

Sexual harassment...

... and how to solve it is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

And no, you don't want to get on the wrong side of me.

International Cat Day...

... and why it's the most stupid thing, in a very crowded field, that humans have ever done is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

And no, I didn't mention Jeremy Corbyn's cat. But I COULD HAVE.

Jeremy Corbyn, his leadership speech...

... and why he LITERALLY makes no sense at all is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Have a lovely weekend x

The Rio Olympics, the refugee team...

... and why they demonstrate the very best and absolute worst of humanity is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

And if anyone here know Nigel, please be sure and pass it on ;-)

David Cameron's resignation honours list...

... and the titles he didn't include are the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Apologies to Grayson Perry.