New Year's resolutions...

... and why we're doing them all wrong is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Enjoy what remains of 2016 - and remember, New Year's Eve is amateur night. Go boozing on January 1 instead if you can. Easier to get served.

The curse of 2016...

... and why 2017 is going to be much worse if you can't figure this stuff out is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Three weeks left.

Anis Amri, Angela Merkel...

... and why you're not being told the truth about the Berlin Christmas market terror attack is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

And yes, it's the truth. Why wouldn't it be?

The carnage of 2016 and Katie Price's latest meltdown...

... are the topic of today's Daily Mirror column which is all about why things can only get better, and you can read it here.

Goodbye 2016, and f*** off.

Where the Labour Party is going wrong...

... and why it probably won't listen to its own listening exercise is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can gnash your teeth at here.

I despair, really I do.

The nasty Tory party...

... and how it's nastier now even than it was in Maggie Thatcher's heyday is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Enjoy Christmas.

Amir Khan, Faryal Makhdoom...

... and why their family rows - and yours - are best kept on simmer at Christmas are the topic for today's Daily Mirror column which, as ever, you can read here.

It's Kieran Hayler I feel sorry for.

Theresa May's trousers...

... and why they're a more serious problem than anyone realises yet is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

And you may have Trexit for free.

Article 50, the Supreme Court, Brexit...

... and why it doesn't all mean what you might have been told it means is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Enjoy the GIFs.

The football abuse scandal, Chelsea's £50,000 gagging contract...

... and why football's dirty little secret is finally out is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

I await the Chelsea fans with interest.

Cheryl Tweedy Cole Ferenandez-Versini thingummybob...

... and why not talking about your pregnancy guarantees everyone else will is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

And no, I'm not being cynical. Just realistic.

Ed Balls last tango on Strictly...

... and why he made 2016 worth living through is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

I'm off for a howl.

Tony Blair's return...

... and why we might actually really need him is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you may fume over here.

The Autumn Statement, Philip Hammond...

... and all the things he didn't tell you are the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

And no, I won't apologise for the end bit.

Secret cuts to the NHS...

... and the not-so secret cuts you haven't minded in the least are the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read and be infuriated by here.

People, eh? Funny bunch.

Cryogenic freezing, Donald Trump...

... and why if we don't freeze him we'll have to face up to fascism is the topic of today's incredibly-cheery column for the Daily Mirror which you can scream hate at me for here.

Let's just hope I'm not right, hey?

Facebook fake stories and Donald Trump...

... are the topics of today's column for the Daily Mirror, which you almost certainly won't like, and can dislike strongly about here.

And yes, I do it too.

Donald Trump, draining the swamp...

... and why we might well need to nuke the planet from orbit is the topic of today's rather annoyed column for the Daily Mirror which you can gnash your teeth over here.

It's all right. The cretins are obviously the other guys.

President Trump, the White House...

... and why Michelle Obama will be back inside it sooner than you realise is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Honestly. You wait and see.

Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton...

... and why our American cousins need to remember who they're voting for is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

I wonder if they will?