Bonfire Night and fireworks injuries...

... and why setting off explosives in your back garden makes you a SCREAMING MORON is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Just. Stop. Doing. It.

Kevin Spacey and his excuses...

... about why he can't remember doing a thing he doesn't deny to Anthony Rapp, and the excuses being made by everyone from Weinstein to Freddie Starr aren't worth the tiny violins they're being played on is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Some people are just pigs. And that's it.

Using a robot to care for the elderly...

... and why it's an atrocious idea that'll probably catch on, much to our species' detriment, is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Doctor Who has a LOT to answer for.

Transgender schoolchildren...

... and why Jeremy Hunt isn't exactly helping the situation is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

And no, they don't 'change sex' until they're 18, whatever you think you've read.

How Brexit is going so far...

... and why it's never going to happen is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Never. Ever.

Donald Trump's call to the widow of Sgt La David Johnson...

... and why it might finally be the thing that proves fatal to his presidency is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Here's hoping, yeah?

The Harvey Weinstein scandal...

... and why it's wrong to blame Hollywood, or his victims, women in general or actresses in particular, for crimes men condone, overlook and laugh off every day, is the topic of today's column in the Daily Mirror.

You can read it here.

Theresa May's problem with Boris...

... and why she's the most high-profile victim of modern slavery we've yet seen is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

If you don't feel sorry for her you must have a heart of stone.

Kellogg's tax scandal...

... and why it should be ashamed of putting so much effort into avoiding the tax the rest of us put a lot of effort into paying is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can be outraged about here.

I bloody love Frosties, too. Such a shame.

The Tory housing crisis...

... and why it's roughly the same as the Labour housing crisis, in that they both did it and neither knows what to do, is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Makes my blood boil.

CBeebies, Mr Bloody Tumble....

... and why all is manged up in the hallucinogenic, psychotic world of children's TV is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read, as ever, by clicking here.

*shudders at a long weekend of Woolly and Tig*

Why Jeremy Corbyn will be the next Prime Minister...

... and why there's absolutely nothing you can do about it is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Sorry, Theresa.

Uber's loss of license and the terrible taxi crisis of 2017...

... which may actually be better than you think, you soft poncy city type, is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Enjoy.

Star Trek does Brexit better...

... than this current shower of clowns, so let's enjoy the metaphors while we can. You can read today's 23rd century column for the Daily Mirror here.

Warp factor six, Mr Sulu.

Theresa May's power grab...

... and the horrific detail of what, exactly, she's doing to your democracy is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Have a nice weekend. I'm off to find a ploughshare to brandish.

The six year old boy in a skirt...

... and the madness of parents who think the Church of England is LESS confusing than that is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Madness with a capital MAD.

Hurricane Irma, climate change...

... and why even this is entirely natural it's still the fault of human stupidity is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

If you don't like it, then you're probably one of the stupids.

Unskilled EU immigration...

... and why we'd be daft to get rid of it is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Let's hope I don't have to explain myself to the Ribenaberry police.

Kate and Will's third royal baby...

... and why it is a really bad idea is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

And yes, it's all true.

The Brexit negotiations...

... and how they're going REALLY REALLY WELL HONEST is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read about here.

And no, it's not 'remoaning'. It's an analogy, and the first four letters of that are the most important.