Pippa Middleton's expensive wedding...

... and why in the long run it makes bugger all difference to a marriage is the topic of today's bitter and cynical attack on the institution of marriage column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Good luck, kids!

The Tory pothole menace...

... and just how much damage it's doing is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Don't say you weren't warned.

The leaked Labour Manifesto...

... and why it's very good and it's just a shame whoever wrote it isn't leader of the Labour Party is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

It's far too sensible for it to be Jeremy Corbyn.

Theresa May, her plans to bring back foxhunting...

... and why that is an incredibly stupid and daft thing to do from the point of view of foxes, chickens, farmers, dogs and 84% of voters in general is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Just because it'll never happen is no reason to let people get away with saying stupid stuff.

The Chibok schoolgirls kidnapped by Boko Haram...

... and why they were left to free themselves from their abductors is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

That's aside from the girls freed in order to make their president look good.

Local elections 201, the death of UKIP...

... and why this isn't it is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Pin your hopes on June 9.

Who to vote for in the 2017 general election...

... and why that person shouldn't be any of the prospective Prime Ministers is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Let's not all give in too early, yeah?

Strong and stable leadership...

... and why a real leader needs strength and stability to deliver on a vision of strong and stable leadership, as well as a thesaurus, is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

I know, it makes my head hurt too.

Marine Le Pen's run at the French presidency...

... and a quick reminder to the French why fascists are bad is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Alors and gorblimey.

National Tea Day...

... and why you ought to put the kettle on and have a brew is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Make me one while you're there.

The general election and why it might not be all bad...

... is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

And try to cheer up, okay?

The 2017 general election...

... and the 7 things we can definitely expect from it is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Help us, Tim Farron. You're our only hope.

Chemical weapons in Syria...

... and why the USA perhaps isn't in a position to criticise is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Boom. Oh dear.

The sarin gas attack in Syria...

... and why we're acting like gutless cowards rather than stand up to hateful behaviour whether its Bashar al-Assad or Ken Livingstone is the topic of today's fairly angry column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

As a special bonus, if you buy the paper today there's ANOTHER whole column in there for you!

Gibraltar and Brexit...

... and why it doesn't have to if it doesn't want to is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which can be found, as always, by clicking here.

Even the Spanish might like this one.

The Only Fools and Horses Brexitshambles...

... and why an extended metaphor is more fun than it ought to be is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can enjoy by clicking here.

Luvvly jubbly.

Theresa May's Article 50 letter...

... and what it REALLY means is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

A bientot!

Brexit and triggering Article 50...

... is the topic of today's admittedly-lacking-in-cheer column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

To lighten the horror I put in an enema joke. See if you can spot it.

Bullfighting barbarians...

... and why Spain and Spanish-speaking countries still call it 'cultural' when it's plainly not is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Olé.

The East African food crisis, foreign aid budget...

... and how we can reduce both to zero are the topics of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Make it worth their while.