Celebrity Big Brother...

... and why it needs sealed exits, a car battery and Prince Philip is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read, should you be arsed to, here.

Hope you all had a nice Christmas x

Thje Twelve Days of Crapmas...

... and some festive flashbacks to the worst of 2013 is the topic of today's Daily Mirror column which you can read here.

I'm off for a mince pie and a lie-down. Happy Saturnalia!

Ronnie Biggs was a parasite...

... and if you don't believe me read this.

Hitting train staff over the head then living off the notoriety really isn't ok.

Peter O'Toole knew how to swear...

...and if you don't believe me read this.

*roisters*

The plastic surgeon who gave boob jobs to his own daughters...

... is not about to be named Dad of the Year. My column for the Daily Mirror is here.

Enjoy your imperfections!

MPs deserve a pay rise...

... so long as we pay them in cold, hard common sense, such as what I've written about here.

OINK.

The worst thing about Nelson Mandela's death...

... is the way it's being exploited. Read all about it here.

And remember to VOTE.

George Osborne's hanky panky...

... the political kind, of course - is the most interesting thing about his Autumn Statement. Should you wish to, a breakdown of all the things he didn't tell you can be read here.

And now I shall listen to an old Madonna track on a loop. Nothin' like a good spanky...

Peaches Geldof...

... and why we're all journalists now is the topic of today's Daily Mirror column which you can read here.

Mind how you tweet.

Clare's Law...

... and why it's not enough is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Mind how you go.

JFK and Joey Essex...

... and why they have more in common than you might think are the (odd) topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Don't shoot me.

24-hour Tubes...

... and why we're not sensible enough to make people work when they should is the topic of today's Daily Mirror column which you can read here.

The International Space Station...

... and why it's the most amazing tin can we ever made is the topic of today's Daily Mirror column which you can read here.

To infinity, and beyond!

International Men's Day...

... and why women should be making the most of it is the topic of today's Daily Mirror column which you can read here.

Sarcastic? Moi?

I'm Not A Celebrity...

... But Which Hopeless No-Mark Would You Like To Torture You For The Next Decade? VOTE NOW!

And read about it on the Daily Mirror website here.

Vote early, vote often, vote Farage.

Typhoon Haiyan...

... and why the human response stinks is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Be glad it's not you.

Lest we forget why we wear the poppy...

... I've written about it today for the Daily Mirror and you can read it here.

Age wearies just about all of us, but not the need to remember.

Victoria Beckham...

... and how wrong we got her is the topic of today's Daily Mirror piece which you can read here.

And yes, I know she's still scrawny.

Guy Fawkes, November 5 and...

... what it's really all about is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here, if you fancy.

Enjoy your bonfires.

Tesco face scans...

... and why I don't fancy ripping out my own eyeballs are the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Careful of the bagging area.