Fox (n): carnivore of genus vulpes; crafty person; scavenger; (vb) to confuse; -ed (adj): to be drunk.

Friday, 31 January 2014

10 things we learned from Amanda Knox's retrial...

... and the murder of Meredith Kercher, who seems to have been forgotten in all the guff about the main suspect in her killing.

All in today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Tuesday, 28 January 2014

The Queen is running out of money...

... but there are plenty of options. There are some helpful money-making suggestions for her in my Daily Mirror column today, which you can read here.

I'll just sit here and wait for my damehood, shall I?

Friday, 24 January 2014

Blame Canada.

Because it's responsible for today's column which is here.

Don't read it, you'll only get offended.

Wednesday, 22 January 2014

Don't get sick...

... don't be different, don't be the sort of person who notices stuff like this.

Otherwise you'd have to do something about it.

Tuesday, 21 January 2014

Lib Dems, political apologies...

... and the four rules of saying sorry are the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which may be enjoyed here.

Chris Huhne and David Laws would probably rather not read it, but the rest of you can fill your boots.

Friday, 17 January 2014

The Oscars aren't as nice as they seem...

... and if you think it's all lovely people and nice frocks, read this.

You'll never see Woody Allen the same way again.

Thursday, 16 January 2014

Francois Hollande, politics...

... and Ed Miliband's G-spot are all included in today's column which is here.

Wouldn't read it if I were you. You'll never be the same again.

Tuesday, 14 January 2014

If Hayley Cropper can kill herself...

... and the law says my dog mustn't suffer unnecessarily, then I want to be able to do the same.

Today's column is about suicide and you can read it here.

Now: on with the gin martinis!

Friday, 10 January 2014

This is what it's like to go on Question Time...

... and I only wish Dimbleby had been drunk enough to take his shirt off.

Read all the behind-the-scenes shenanigans here and don't forget to say dinosaur.

Tuesday, 7 January 2014

Stop just watching TV...

... and start thinking instead, for example by reading this.

WARNING: May contain extra bumholes.

Monday, 6 January 2014

Never mind the floods...

... it's time to build an ark, and start chucking a few people overboard. Starting with Eric Pickles, as you can read here.

Stay dry, y'all.

Friday, 3 January 2014

New Year's resolutions...

... are a load of old rubbish according to medical experts, science, logic and me.

If you want to know why, you can read about it here and then treat yourself to a nice gin and tonic.

Cheers!