Fox (n): carnivore of genus vulpes; crafty person; scavenger; (vb) to confuse; -ed (adj): to be drunk.

Friday, 25 October 2013

Royal secrets of Prince George's christening...

... and where they hide their gin is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

And if that's not enough to make you feel good, watch the most life-affirming telly clip you'll ever see when a teacher gets his stammering pupil to speak in Educating Yorkshire here.

Two bits of joy for the price of one. You lucky sods. Have a good weekend!

Wednesday, 23 October 2013

The murder of Rachael and Auden Slack...

... and why we all need to start taking domestic violence more seriously is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Take it seriously, and tell someone.

Tuesday, 22 October 2013

How to have a healthy headline.

HEALTH tourists. Dontcha just hate them?

Coming over here, watching our Royal weddings, and having their appendix out on the NHS for free before they go home.

Today we're warned that they could be costing us £2billion a year! Filthy, sick foreigners!

Never mind the fact we're told tourism is worth £115bn a year to Britain, supporting 2.6million jobs and providing almost nine per cent of our GDP. If you just look at the numbers you might think we can easily afford it and still make a healthy profit; but that's not the point.

The NPower boss...

... and what might have happened when he decided to do *that* YouTube video about price rises is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Wrap up warm.

Friday, 18 October 2013

Take back British Gas...

.. or wear an extra jumper. Choice is yours, and you can read about it here.

Stay warm, folks.

Thursday, 17 October 2013

Sally Bercow...

... and why she should do whatever the hell she likes, especially if it gets her on Loose Women, is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

And with that, I'm off for a night on the pop. Ra!

Wednesday, 16 October 2013

Let's not bother with the World Cup.

HOORAY! WE WON A FOOTBALL MATCH!

Well done us, because our team is pretty rubbish and on most days couldn’t win a kickabout in the park.

So let’s be glad of a victory even if it was only over Poland and shake our bootys with delight thatthe twinkle-toed Stevie G put us 2-0 up almost on the whistle.

Monday, 14 October 2013

Madeleine McCann...

... and why there's only one thing which matters is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

If you don't like logic, you'd better not read it.

Friday, 11 October 2013

Malala Yousafzai...

... and why we ought to ignore her (just for a bit) is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

*sulks in room*

Wednesday, 9 October 2013

The news is dead. Long live the news!

THE world would be a better place if newspapers were regulated out of existence.

Seriously; bring it on. Let's have exemplary damages for any supplier of news - papers national and local, struggling magazines, university rags - that's not signed up to it, so they can be financially pummelled out of publishing.

Let's have a regulator that meets with the approval of politicians and is verified by them too, via the medieval Privy Council consisting of current and former Cabinet ministers, even the ones who've been booted out of office by a pissed-off public, and the whole thing can be torn up if newspapers seriously upset two-thirds of the Houses of Parliament, which let's face it isn't difficult.

To top it all off, let's suggest charging people to complain when it used to be free, let's make this the only regulatory body in existence without a single industry representative on it, and then let's spend more than a year farting about with it so that the public think the whole thing's a stitch-up anyway.

Tuesday, 8 October 2013

The Pride of Britain Awards...

... and what they'd be like run by a newspaper that didn't like modern Britain much is the topic of today's Daily Mirror column which you can read here.

I'm just off to flaunt my curves. As soon as I figure out how.

Monday, 7 October 2013

The cabinet reshuffle...

... and why the Wombles and Batman should be running the place are the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

If you're a slug, don't bother.

Friday, 4 October 2013

The Taliban are back...

... and it seems they never went away. Today's Daily Mirror column is here.

Sleep easy.

Thursday, 3 October 2013

Ever wondered about Boris Johnson...

... and what his planned foray into romantic fiction might be like? Wonder no more.

*washes brain in bleach*

Wednesday, 2 October 2013

David Cameron's conference speech...

... and its English translation are the topic of today's Daily Mirror column which you can read here.

Blessed are the breadmakers, old bean.

Tuesday, 1 October 2013

David Cameron, the price of bread...

... and how it compares to the price of a term at Eton is the topic of today's column for the Daily Mirror which you can read here.

Read it quick, cos there's another one later!